Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Unsplash

hyper vigilant

to whom am I a burden, and to whom am I a gift

if only I could just ask, without the complicated waltz of neurotypicality, the norms of polite deceit and blahblah fucking blah

so instead of asking I hunt for clues, sensitive and vigilant and poorly calibrated, every data point a vote for either abandonment or refuge

I wish I could just ask, am I safe with you? and trust the answer. if I could just ask, how long can this hug last? is it okay if I’m quiet? can I get excited about something niche?

are you hearing from me too often? should I do something different? how can I keep you from leaving? will I be okay if I let my guard down?

sometimes the person I’m a burden to is me, but I’m a gift to me as well

I just wish I could know exactly what I am

to you

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Michael Guevarra

Bay Area writer, sociologist, and feral poet // editor of The Anticapital